I'm Just Not That Into You

I find myself saying this a lot. I meet a guy... he seems normal... and within a week he is acting like he knows me. It takes me a while, especially compared to their speed, to like someone. Much less like to the level these fools act like they like me.

Seriously, what can you really know about me in a week. Hell... two weeks?!?!

Two scenarios typically happen when "I'm just not as into them as they are into me". The first one I like to call the Puppy Dog syndrome. If you have ever had a puppy, you know that a puppy sees every person as a playmate. As soon as they see you they think it is time to play and get super excited. This is what happens in the first scenario. The guy meets me or has date with me and they  become a puppy dog with excitement. I do not know what it is. I have been told multiple times it is a combination of personality with brains and good looks, but I do not believe this because I'm sure many woman have both. Anyway in this scenario the guy acts like he has never met a woman before. Just super excited. Contacting me all the time. Expecting me to make them a priority. Making future plans without really asking me what I want. Much less if I even like them. All of this happens within a week to two weeks of meeting me. Yes 1 to 14 days. Crazy to me because I do not believe you know who I am.

The next scenario is similar to puppy dog. The guy does similar stuff in the same spane of time but instead of acting like a puppy dog, they act like they are in love and have known me months. "I want us to get married!" "You are my queen!" "You are the bright light of my life!" Um... sir... what's my last name? What's my momma name? What's my favorite color? What is my most embarrassing moment.

I know some of you are thinking "Aww these guys are so sweet!" Naw! The ability to fall in love, well really it is infatuation or lust, with someone that fast is a concern. Trust me, I am not giving them much time or attention so there is not reason for it. This is a sign that something is wrong with them or they are looking for love SO bad they are jumping on anything that appears somewhat normal. I'll pass on that.

Most recently, an older guy I met did this. Within 2 days of knowing me he's asking me if I would let him be my boyfriend. Uh... right now? Hell no! I take that title seriously because for me it is a step away from being my future husband. He told me how his goals were for us to become boyfriend and girlfriend. And how he could see himself marrying me. This is all after a 20 minute conversation when he met me and a hour coffee date. Concerned! I politely brushed off a lot of the things he did or said and told him to give us both some time to get know each other. 6 days after meeting me we had a "real" date. He acted like a little school boy on his first date. Nervous and strange. Acting like anything I would request of him would get done. I am all for chivalry, but I like a man with a backbone! And he showed me in conversations, stories he told, and his behavior when around me he did not have one. A few days later I stopped answering his phone calls and text when he did not calm down his behavior or take my hints to. I am sure he's a great guy for someone else. But his creepy behavior, in addition to not wanting kids and not being my physical type, caused me to remove him from the little tiny piece of my life I allowed him in.

I am dating to find my husband. Not a push over, part time lover, someone to occupy my time while waiting on my future husband, or anything other than the right guy. My standards and expectations are high because I know what I give to my mate and what I deserve.

Physical Attraction

I normally say I do not have a physical type. Personality, drive, and humor are the most important factors to me. I realized recently I have a physical type for sure. 

I remember having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about physical attraction. I was never necessarily physically attracted to him, but we had great chemistry and I liked her personality. Later in our relationship the lack of a physical attraction to him became an issue. He felt it caused our sex life to dwindle. I still blame it on his actions and spitefulness. Either way it got me thinking about what amount each... physical attraction, chemistry, personality, and other straits... go into my overall attraction to a guy. 

In the last week or so I noticed that it has a lot to do with it. I am physically attracted to athletic or slender guys. I love taller men but as long as they are at least 6 feet I can deal. I also like a cute or very attractive guy. Hey... I'm pretty... I can want the same in my mate! Call me shallow but men approaching me obviously want the same.

I notice my interactions and lack of interest in men who are slender / athletic happens very quickly. I don't know why the chunky or ability to become chunky is a huge turnoff. Might as well tell me you don't want kids! But that is a completely different post.

Anyway... this week I discovered I have a physical type. Guess I am not as open minded as I thought I was!

Want To Be Married Again

A male friend of mine said this today and I had to share it here. I feel that what he said hits the nail on the head for what I want. I think it shows that not every divorcee is anti marriage. A lot of us are looking for it again and miss many parts of it.


"I want to be married again, to someone I can spend forever with and build a family.

Not to make me happy but to enhance my happiness!

Not because I'm lonely but because I desire to be intimately significant to a woman.

besides God said: "it is not good that a man should be alone I will make for him an help mate"

That tells me that my God has a woman out there who will meet my specific needs, one who wont be perfect but she will be dynamically perfect for me..."

Yes! YES! YES!!!

I am the biggest advocate for searching for a helpmate. I have faith that God will bring him and all of us on this blog our future spouse / helpmate!

Dates: The Over Touchy Guy

Dude! Why are you so touchy! You don't even know me! Ok... I did not say that but I sure have thought it on several dates! I am not a touchy person. Like in a relationship or to family and friends yes. Well to family and friends it is still limited. So when I am getting to know a guy and he is very touchy I do not like it.

I look at my body as a special place. Not every one, hell not many people at all get to touch it much less "enjoy" it. I do not even dance with guys I do not know when I'm out at a club or lounge. Yes... it is that serious.

Recently I went on a few dates with an over toucher. It was strange because I did not verbally say your little touches are annoying, but I made it obviously it was not normal. He would touch me or try to hold my hand and I would stop talking and look at the point of contact. Do not call me a B! I'm not touchy!!!!!! After several of these incidents he did not stop. One time holding my hand for several minutes on a second and third date. Finally I had the conversation with him. I told him I am not touchy and he is not receptive to clues at all. I am more of the hug hi and bye type, until I 'know' the person better.

Dating with kids

I knew dating with a child would be hard but this has become a challenge. Everyone knows I am an overprotective, high-strung mother (I know) but I can't help it. I have dated about 3 guys this year and none of them have met my son. They have asked and I always say "No." It is hard enough for me when a "relationship" ends and it would be even worse if my son is involved. So when is the right time to introduce a man to your children? If I were to answer, I'd say right before you walk down the aisle. Lol. Of course before marriage, a man has to meet your child eventually but it seems so tricky these days. For example, a guy I met online lived a ways away so it was already hard to see each other and then I have my son 99.9% of the time. Do you know this fool suggested he meet myself and my son at Chuck E. Cheese? First off, everyone knows my distaste for that place and I don't even go there and second, I only met the guy once. One guy wanted me to bring my son to a bar, yes a bar to watch an LSU football game last year. SMH!!! I have heard many guys try to use the child to get close to the mother. I don't know who does this, but that would never work on me. I have read articles online about this topic and most of all of them say the same thing that you should introduce your child/children to a man when you are in a committed/exclusive relationship and see a future with this man. A lot of women see this the first time they meet a guy which is why they have different men in and out of their child's life. This just isn't a good thing having strange men around your children all the time and personally I feel a certain way especially if you have daughters. Just not a good idea. I already feel guilty with my son coming from a broken home and hope it doesn't cause too many issues with him and you know how close boys are with their mothers. I have an internal struggle everyday about this and just pray my son will not be effected by my dating life. He is so young right now but these kids are so much smarter than we were at this age. With my custody schedule it should be easy to date when my son is with his father however, it is not. So what do you do if you want to go on a date and have your child? I recently was asked out on a date and had my son. His father lives in a different city and couldn't watch him so I asked my date if he would pay for my sitter? Now it is only $25 and it's not like I can't afford it but I feel if he really wanted to go out with me he would make an effort and he agreed. Dating is already hard and then having a child makes it even harder. So when do you think a woman or man should introduce their children to someone?

Online Dating

A huge part of being single and wanting to get married again is meeting men. One way is through online dating. Over my single tenure I have used it a few times. I used a free dating sites off and on in 2008 and 2009. Actually met my ex-boyfriend on one of them. When I found myself single again earlier this year I tried a free site again. I found that nothing really had changed. There is a huge pool of men but most aren't really talking about nothing. I am a huge believer in not giving my phone number out until I am sure I would want the person sending me messages to have it. I can count on two hands how many men I have actually met in person from a online dating site between 2008 and now. Yeah... you read that right....

I got tired of the free sites and wanted to try something different but was not sure what sites to try or to give up the online dating thing for good. After "T" told me about her experience using a certain paid site, I decided to try Match.com. I hoped that it would yield men who were looking for long term relationships. I have been using Match since June of this year. I will admit I am not consistent on logging in and looking at profiles. The caliber of men is different. There is a larger percentage actually looking for long term relationships. I love how the profiles allow people to list if they have kids, how many, and if they want more. Main thing I look for after checking height and body size. It also allows the user to list if they have degrees and which ones. These are features that some free sites do not have. 

 

I think Match is just "ok". The thing I like the most about is is the Stir Events. The site host local events and invite members based on certain qualifications. Some events are based on age, and common interest. I attended two of these events so far. They are fun and add a spin to the online dating. Other than these events and more detailed profiles, I am not a big fan of Match. I will not renew my membership when it ends in December. I feel trying it for 6 months is enough.

I have met a few guys in person off of there. No true "matches" though. I have given about a dozen my phone number. I notice that men think that texting is cool. FYI it is not. I expect phone calls when we are trying to get to know each other. I often ignore text from guys who are trying to get to know me. They can call if they want to communicate with me. Out of the men I did have phone conversations with... half of them did not ask me on a date. (This is the trend with men in general though, not just from online dating. I think a lot of guys have forgot how to court.) I have been on some dates with a few men from Match but nothing developed. 

Oh the joys of dating!

~ A

Introduction of A

Hello, my name is "A". I am a 30 year old single woman who lives in Atlanta. I am a mom, dog owner, divorcee, and tired of dating. Let me rephrase that... I am tired of looking for Mr Right! But this is suppose to be an introduction so let me get back on topic.

I am looking for love... again. I got married in the fall of 2007 and separated in the summer of 2008. I know what you're thinking... nope, it did not take me long to realize it was not the right fit for me! By right fit I mean my ex not marriage. I look forward to being married again. Since ending my marriage I have had two long term relationships. One lasting a year and the other lasting 2 years. I have been single for... (looks at calendar) about 9 months. Geez it feels like a lot longer than that.

I am trying to "just date and have fun" like people keep telling me to do, but I am a serial monogamous. I am fine with casual date until I begin liking a man, then I want us to focus on seeing where our connection can go. I do not easily like a guy, so if I say I like one throw some confetti. I believe in learning from my experiences and mistakes, especially in relationships. I am realist and far from a hopeless romantic.

I am excited about sharing my journey to love and marriage (speaking it into existence) with you!

~ A