Texting

What is wrong with the world when sending a text to a woman you are interested in is considered normal?

One of my biggest pet peeves in dating is for a man to ask me for my number and the proceed to send me a text message. Are you kidding me? Things that get ignored... those text!I will add a disclaimer... that if a man sends me a text asking when is a good time to call me, I will respond. But I will not have continuous text conversation.

I feel real true conversation is important for two people to actually get to know each other. 140 characters is a very limited amount of space to do that. I will take email over text any day, but prefer voice. You can "read" pause, context, sighs, and more in type. I think the conversations are important in determining chemistry and attraction.

It makes me sad to think that people, not just men but women too, think that texting is a way of getting to know someone or even "talking"! Court me! What happened to really dating? Really courting? Really putting an effort to get to know someone?

I'm going to end this with one my favorite text quote from a movie: “I may not text, and I may not get texted, but trust me… the subtext of that text is boo-tay,”

A Single Woman's Prayer

I was looking up prayers and came across this one I thought I should share! This prayer touched on several things that I am working on and a few things I will add to my list to work on! Prayer found here http://singlewomansprayer.com/ 

Father God, in the precious name of Jesus Christ,

I come before You in the most humble and earnest way I know. I come before You realizing that You know my thoughts, and even as I lift my prayer and praise before thee this very second, I am known of You. I thank You for forgiving my fleshly iniquity and my transgressions, for I know sin is designed to destroy, so I must capture my thoughts and align myself with Your Word to be the light you have called me to be. I praise You this day for Your awesomeness, Your omnipotence, Your kindness, and Your mercy and for the grace of which You have allowed my existence.

I realize that I am very precious to You, and that You have made great abundance available through Your son, Jesus Christ. Abundance in every aspect of life is Your desire for me, and the lives of every Christian. I acknowledge that everything I need, You have already provided, therefore the lack is within my own mind and heart.

I come boldly before You asking to be blessed with wisdom as I study Your Word, so that I will not be blind to the lessons I need to learn. I commit myself to learning those lessons well, and I will use them to cultivate my very best self for the uplifting of Your kingdom. For I understand that seeking Your kingdom must be my primary goal at all times, and only then will I have the things I desire. Help me also to use that wisdom and the manifestation of revelation to make decisions that will not cause me sorrow in the future, but rather the riches of Your magnificent glory.

I expect no less than the best, understanding that if the best is expected, it must be presented. I understand, Father, that I need to grow into an awesome woman of God before I can request an awesome man of God.  I need to sharpen my spiritual gifts to the point that I am confident, strong, and packed with believing power. Then together, my future husband and I can stand firmly back to back, prepared and fully armed against the weapons of the enemy.

Help me to reach a level of Christian maturity that will allow me to see a mile away a brother who means me no good. So that I will not waste my precious time on the non-sense of his pointless rap, and his devilish interest in only the curves of my wonderfully made vessel. I don’t have to allow impatience to prompt questions like "Is this the one for me?" I need only see evidence that he is committed to assisting me to stand firm in Godliness. That will be the determining factor of whether he is, or is not a presentation from You.

So while I am patiently waiting, and concentrating my efforts on spiritual and self growth, I pray You will call Your Word to my remembrance when I fall short. Every day please teach me those things that will help me to be the best that I can be, and therefore the kind of help-mate one of Your most valued treasures deserves. And when I am fully ready according to Your standard, please present to me a Godly man who will love me as Jesus Christ loved his disciples. I pray that his physicality will be pleasing to me, and that he will be well prepared to share and grow with me. That he will be compassionate and fully committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ, and to me. I know that if I have committed myself to You rightly, then it is impossible for me to be disappointed. So I thank You for my husband-to-be.

And I thank You, God, and praise You to the highest for how You have so magnificently blessed me all of my days. Even though I stand without a mate at this moment, I am not alone, and therefore not at all single. I can rejoice whether I have or have not because I am saved from the ultimate consequence of sin. I can wait patiently each day by being a blessing to the body of Christ, and enjoying the beauty of who I am in your beloved son.

I praise You for Your awesomeness, and thank You for Your love.

In the name Jesus Christ I pray.

Amen

I'm Just Not That Into You

I find myself saying this a lot. I meet a guy... he seems normal... and within a week he is acting like he knows me. It takes me a while, especially compared to their speed, to like someone. Much less like to the level these fools act like they like me.

Seriously, what can you really know about me in a week. Hell... two weeks?!?!

Two scenarios typically happen when "I'm just not as into them as they are into me". The first one I like to call the Puppy Dog syndrome. If you have ever had a puppy, you know that a puppy sees every person as a playmate. As soon as they see you they think it is time to play and get super excited. This is what happens in the first scenario. The guy meets me or has date with me and they  become a puppy dog with excitement. I do not know what it is. I have been told multiple times it is a combination of personality with brains and good looks, but I do not believe this because I'm sure many woman have both. Anyway in this scenario the guy acts like he has never met a woman before. Just super excited. Contacting me all the time. Expecting me to make them a priority. Making future plans without really asking me what I want. Much less if I even like them. All of this happens within a week to two weeks of meeting me. Yes 1 to 14 days. Crazy to me because I do not believe you know who I am.

The next scenario is similar to puppy dog. The guy does similar stuff in the same spane of time but instead of acting like a puppy dog, they act like they are in love and have known me months. "I want us to get married!" "You are my queen!" "You are the bright light of my life!" Um... sir... what's my last name? What's my momma name? What's my favorite color? What is my most embarrassing moment.

I know some of you are thinking "Aww these guys are so sweet!" Naw! The ability to fall in love, well really it is infatuation or lust, with someone that fast is a concern. Trust me, I am not giving them much time or attention so there is not reason for it. This is a sign that something is wrong with them or they are looking for love SO bad they are jumping on anything that appears somewhat normal. I'll pass on that.

Most recently, an older guy I met did this. Within 2 days of knowing me he's asking me if I would let him be my boyfriend. Uh... right now? Hell no! I take that title seriously because for me it is a step away from being my future husband. He told me how his goals were for us to become boyfriend and girlfriend. And how he could see himself marrying me. This is all after a 20 minute conversation when he met me and a hour coffee date. Concerned! I politely brushed off a lot of the things he did or said and told him to give us both some time to get know each other. 6 days after meeting me we had a "real" date. He acted like a little school boy on his first date. Nervous and strange. Acting like anything I would request of him would get done. I am all for chivalry, but I like a man with a backbone! And he showed me in conversations, stories he told, and his behavior when around me he did not have one. A few days later I stopped answering his phone calls and text when he did not calm down his behavior or take my hints to. I am sure he's a great guy for someone else. But his creepy behavior, in addition to not wanting kids and not being my physical type, caused me to remove him from the little tiny piece of my life I allowed him in.

I am dating to find my husband. Not a push over, part time lover, someone to occupy my time while waiting on my future husband, or anything other than the right guy. My standards and expectations are high because I know what I give to my mate and what I deserve.

Physical Attraction

I normally say I do not have a physical type. Personality, drive, and humor are the most important factors to me. I realized recently I have a physical type for sure. 

I remember having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about physical attraction. I was never necessarily physically attracted to him, but we had great chemistry and I liked her personality. Later in our relationship the lack of a physical attraction to him became an issue. He felt it caused our sex life to dwindle. I still blame it on his actions and spitefulness. Either way it got me thinking about what amount each... physical attraction, chemistry, personality, and other straits... go into my overall attraction to a guy. 

In the last week or so I noticed that it has a lot to do with it. I am physically attracted to athletic or slender guys. I love taller men but as long as they are at least 6 feet I can deal. I also like a cute or very attractive guy. Hey... I'm pretty... I can want the same in my mate! Call me shallow but men approaching me obviously want the same.

I notice my interactions and lack of interest in men who are slender / athletic happens very quickly. I don't know why the chunky or ability to become chunky is a huge turnoff. Might as well tell me you don't want kids! But that is a completely different post.

Anyway... this week I discovered I have a physical type. Guess I am not as open minded as I thought I was!

Those Dumb Texts..Pick up!!

So at our age I think we can all agree and say that texting is a bit old and just young. It's one thing to send me a sweet GM text or something throughout the day. Even finalizing details to meet up is ok. However this let's hold a full conversation via text will not happen. We are to old for that, people tend to hide behind text messages and their phones. I don't want that I personally want someone who knows how to pick up the phone and hold a conversation for me. Let's talk about the day and what's going on. Now because I do talk to ppl all day I not pressed with being on the phone for several hours..30 minutes is good, I just would rather hold a conversation vs. text. I have also come to realize that many men seem to get a bit reckless when it comes to texting..How dare you text me certain sexual comments or innuendos. You are not my man! Please go kill yourself and when your done go ahead and jump off the bridge. However you may want to switch the order. A friend and I were speaking about this recently and he was telling me it has just become so much more easy to speak with a young lady via text and get to know certain things vs picking up the phone. However my question is how can you really get to know someone via text message. You can't imo. So why don't we go back to the 90's before cell phones and try and actually try and pick up the phone, you will probably go further in life. haha Happy New Year!!! T

Want To Be Married Again

A male friend of mine said this today and I had to share it here. I feel that what he said hits the nail on the head for what I want. I think it shows that not every divorcee is anti marriage. A lot of us are looking for it again and miss many parts of it.


"I want to be married again, to someone I can spend forever with and build a family.

Not to make me happy but to enhance my happiness!

Not because I'm lonely but because I desire to be intimately significant to a woman.

besides God said: "it is not good that a man should be alone I will make for him an help mate"

That tells me that my God has a woman out there who will meet my specific needs, one who wont be perfect but she will be dynamically perfect for me..."

Yes! YES! YES!!!

I am the biggest advocate for searching for a helpmate. I have faith that God will bring him and all of us on this blog our future spouse / helpmate!

Dates: The Over Touchy Guy

Dude! Why are you so touchy! You don't even know me! Ok... I did not say that but I sure have thought it on several dates! I am not a touchy person. Like in a relationship or to family and friends yes. Well to family and friends it is still limited. So when I am getting to know a guy and he is very touchy I do not like it.

I look at my body as a special place. Not every one, hell not many people at all get to touch it much less "enjoy" it. I do not even dance with guys I do not know when I'm out at a club or lounge. Yes... it is that serious.

Recently I went on a few dates with an over toucher. It was strange because I did not verbally say your little touches are annoying, but I made it obviously it was not normal. He would touch me or try to hold my hand and I would stop talking and look at the point of contact. Do not call me a B! I'm not touchy!!!!!! After several of these incidents he did not stop. One time holding my hand for several minutes on a second and third date. Finally I had the conversation with him. I told him I am not touchy and he is not receptive to clues at all. I am more of the hug hi and bye type, until I 'know' the person better.

I'm thinking age does matter..

So I have had the wonderful joy of meeting and going out on some dates with several young men over the past couple of weeks. Age ranges of 26-38..I know very large range. I have been blessed with good genes and I unfortunately am frequently approached by 20 something's who think I am in their age range. If we have a good vibe I am sometimes inclined to go out with them just depending. However after I have been out with several 20 something's I am officially over that age group. I mean my ex was 4 years younger than me. I just don't think that any man under 30 is ready for a serious relationship of any kind. I mean we may have a hit or miss here and there but the majority..not in any way. I say this because I recently had the pleasure of going out with a man who was in his upper 30's. Our conversation, our interaction was soo different compared to that of a 20 something. Now please note these young men I am entertaining are all professional young adults so I do have a bit of an expectation of certain behaviours and conversations to be held. I just feel that a mid to late 20's and even some of your early 30's men are trying to really play the field and enjoying life as a single successful man. They feel like they don't have to work too hard because they know there is another woman waiting for them, which poses the question why are we waiting for these men. We know that unless you catch him at that "time" there is no chance and needless to say we allow them to keep playing. I'm sure we would love to know what you think?? Does age matter??

When He Won't Commit

A question I have wondered and been asked so many times I can not count is "When should two people dating become exclusive?" I believe the answer is when they are ready. I do not feel a time limit should dictate this. But what do you do when one of them is ready while the other is not?

I found myself here recently. Wondering why am I still 'dating' a certain guy. At this point we know each other pretty well, enjoy being around each other, and have fun. We've discussed it here and there, but in my opinion it has not happened. I expressed my feelings about this (I believe communication is very important). I also explained I will date and have fun as much as I want if I am not in an exclusive relationship. Now I am at the point where i'm wondering... Like Jay Z said "What the hell are you waiting for?"

So now I am at the crossroad of Do I Walk Away Avenue and Just Have Fun With Him Drive. As much as I enjoy spending time with him, but I like him (yes I said it... go ahead throw your confetti). That's what makes figuring out to do so hard... that damn L word. (No not THAT L word!) At some point I expect the fun to end because I am not getting one of the things I want. I have to admit I am not good at the whole "Enjoy the ride" thing. I am goal oriented. "Where is this car I'm riding in going ? I don't want to go that way so let me out!"

Trying to decide what I want to do is just as annoying as the situation at this point. I think I will start with reducing my availability and communication with him for starters. I have plenty of things to keep me busy so that won't be hard. I guess after that I will make the decision to give up on him... I mean cut ties completely.

Ahhhh the joys... or not so joyous... of dating!

~ A

Dating with kids

I knew dating with a child would be hard but this has become a challenge. Everyone knows I am an overprotective, high-strung mother (I know) but I can't help it. I have dated about 3 guys this year and none of them have met my son. They have asked and I always say "No." It is hard enough for me when a "relationship" ends and it would be even worse if my son is involved. So when is the right time to introduce a man to your children? If I were to answer, I'd say right before you walk down the aisle. Lol. Of course before marriage, a man has to meet your child eventually but it seems so tricky these days. For example, a guy I met online lived a ways away so it was already hard to see each other and then I have my son 99.9% of the time. Do you know this fool suggested he meet myself and my son at Chuck E. Cheese? First off, everyone knows my distaste for that place and I don't even go there and second, I only met the guy once. One guy wanted me to bring my son to a bar, yes a bar to watch an LSU football game last year. SMH!!! I have heard many guys try to use the child to get close to the mother. I don't know who does this, but that would never work on me. I have read articles online about this topic and most of all of them say the same thing that you should introduce your child/children to a man when you are in a committed/exclusive relationship and see a future with this man. A lot of women see this the first time they meet a guy which is why they have different men in and out of their child's life. This just isn't a good thing having strange men around your children all the time and personally I feel a certain way especially if you have daughters. Just not a good idea. I already feel guilty with my son coming from a broken home and hope it doesn't cause too many issues with him and you know how close boys are with their mothers. I have an internal struggle everyday about this and just pray my son will not be effected by my dating life. He is so young right now but these kids are so much smarter than we were at this age. With my custody schedule it should be easy to date when my son is with his father however, it is not. So what do you do if you want to go on a date and have your child? I recently was asked out on a date and had my son. His father lives in a different city and couldn't watch him so I asked my date if he would pay for my sitter? Now it is only $25 and it's not like I can't afford it but I feel if he really wanted to go out with me he would make an effort and he agreed. Dating is already hard and then having a child makes it even harder. So when do you think a woman or man should introduce their children to someone?